Listen to music while you read.

By: Juan P

If my brother were a science experiment, the science researcher would probably...get crazy and change it for another experiment". My brother acts in some ways that many times I don't understand him...Sometimes I even feel like if we weren't related I feel very bad about how he speaks about some stuff. When he seems like he doesn't care on what my mother is saying I feel so bad that I wish I wasn't there listening to that. My mother tries to give him reasons on why he has to act in certain ways, but it seems like all my mother says goes in through one ear and comes out the other.

We're always fighting and I don't like the way he acts towards me, sometimes I feel really uncomfortable because of what he says. Although I fight a lot with him I'm worried about him, I'm scared he will turn out to be a bad person. I hope that won't happen, but sometimes it looks like it all ready happen and I didn't notice it. Many times I worry about him. Right now my worry is his school. When he came to this country he was a really good student, his grades were high, but now his grades have gone way down. I don't know if is because he was put on a monolingual class or because my parents are putting a lot of pressure on him or maybe because he is getting into the teenager years.

My brother receives many pressures from my parents to get good grades in school, but that’s not reason for him no to listen to reasons. He is very stubborn and acts in childish ways sometimes. I remember that one night my brother and I had a fight and my mother was angry. I went to bed, but my brother wasn’t sleepy and he and my mother had a discussion. "Go to bed, it’s late!" my mom said in a very high voice, "Why? I'm not sleepy!" Daniel answered. "You have to go to bed, because it’s late and you need to sleep", "Why? I don't want to go to bed!" Then my mother said "Tomorrow you have school, and you need to rest", "I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP!" my brother said in high voice. "I told you that you need to sleep!" my mom told him, "And I told you I don't want to!" Daniel answers back. "You know what I go through? A lot and you won't answer me like that!" "Que?". "I have to go to work, so that I can help your father give you and your brother things that we didn’t had when we were children", Daniel was staring at my mom and he was wandering his eyes around the room. I was supposedly to be sleeping, but I was listening to the whole conversation. My mom said "Do you know how hard it is to grow living with 11 brothers and sisters, you know how much attention you get when you’re one of the 12 children, nada. Your dad and I try to help you, both you and your brother. We care a lot about you. We go to your school meetings and we love you, but it seems like the more we show that we care about you, you just show the opposite". My brother was staring at my mother and he started to mimic her, but she didn’t notice it. "Now we try to understand you but all you do to us is give us trouble and troubles. In your school teachers acclaim you don't give problems, but I don't believe that because your grades went down this past year. In September you will be starting junior high school, Do you think is going to be the same?" My brother said "No" and he was shaking his head. "Well your right, is not the same and I don't want you getting low grades because otherwise I'll send you back to Mexico. Quieres eso?" My brother didn't say anything, he just was staring at her. "Come hablame!" and my brother answered "I don't care as long as I don't see you". "You know that is not going to be same here and in Mexico. In here we try to give you everything that we can and in Mexico you won't have the same things. You know that in Mexico the school is very different. You will have to do a lot of work and if you don't do it you may not pass the year. Verdad Juan Carlos?" I didn't answer because I didn't want to get involved in the problem, "he is sleeping" my brother said very quickly. "Well I all ready tell you. If you keep acting the same way you know what could happen to you. Please be careful with what you do and please try not to fight with your brother anymore. Now go to bed. AHORA" "Ok, I'll go to bed!" "But first brush your teeth!" and my brother answered really quick saying no. Then my mother reminded him what they talked about during their discussion. He went to the bathroom. And right after he came back, he went to bed.

If my brother were a mathematics problem it would be...one with a very difficult solution. That’s what I think when I do not understand why he does things. Something that intrigues me about him is that he changes mood very quickly. Sometimes he acts in a way that makes me feel sorry like the time when he was with my mother talking. It was an afternoon, about 6PM. My brother had just finished his homework and my mom was about to check it. They were both sitting on chairs in the kitchen table. My mom had a black binder on her hand and my brother was staring at her, with his round brown eyes. My mom's eyes were reading something in the binder and she had a very angry expression. Her mouth seemed so mad that you could say that something was really bad in my brother's homework. My brother's face was very red and his mouth seemed very sad. He was saying something, but it seemed that it wasn't something good. My mother was arguing something, what? I do not know. I just know that she was mad. It looked like she was being burn.

Also there was the time when we when to the park. I remember that…in the background, there was a big green tree and there were many leaves down in the floor scared all over the place. There were other trees but a lot smaller than the big one. My brother seemed to be mad at something what? I don't know. He was sitting near a tree all by himself. He didn't seem to be talking to anyone. It seemed that he wasn't enjoying his day something that it's totally strange. If you knew him, you should think that he was sick, but no, because he had a mad expression on his face what and I didn't knew what made him mad. He had his feet one folded over the other and his head was looking up the sky. His mouth dropped down as if it were dying, his eyes had a very bright light inside. Its body seemed, so tense he had it all straight and his hand were drop at his sides like two dead leaves.

However, other times I get angry with him and I get the sensation of picking him up and throwing him out of my life for him to never come back again. Many times after I fight with him, I feel bad because many times we fight over very little stuff. Like the time we fought over the TV remote control. It was like 8pm on a weekday, the windows were close and the bulb light was on. The bed had a brown cover and the TV was next to the bed. On the TV, there was a Mets baseball game. Daniel and I were standing on the bed. Daniel has his mouth open and he was in the middle of a high, angry scream. His eyes seem like they were going to pop out from its face. Its face was, so red as a tomato that you could win a tomato contest with it. He was trying to get the control from under the covers and I was trying to do the same thing. He was trying to stop me and I was trying to stop him, too. He would pull and I would pull him back, too and for some time we were just pilling and pulling and pulling and pulling. At the same time we were discussing about whom had the right over the TV control.

I consider that if my brother were a food for most people it would be either salty or sour. Sour because many times he makes people go through a lot of troubles and he those do not get as affected as the others. However, for other people it would be salty because they like people who give them a hard time occasionally. In my opinion, I would say that most of the time the people that have more trouble with him are the people who care about him and love him.

Although since I can remember he was stubborn and wanted to do whatever he wanted. Something that I blame, too is becoming a teenager. Everybody has to go through this stage of life called pubertad or puberty, in English. During this years people have to go through a lot of troubles that they have to face and sometimes they do it successfully, but other times they can't do it. My brother is getting into that stage and sometimes I think that maybe that’s what causes his behavior to be like that. I would say that maybe he is going through a lot of troubles and he feels overwhelmed. He may feel like he can't solve his problems, but he doesn't want to admit it and he is like that, so that we won't notice. Or maybe he is just trying to show or prove himself that he can deal with his problems and having that behavior make him feels strong.

However he is not just about being bad. Many times he is nice to people and he tries to get along to everyone that is around. Sometimes I feel proud about him. For example, that time when he was the student of the month at his school. I was so happy that he was able to make that and I was hoping that he would continue like that. Many times he gives very nice impressions to people. When he does that I wish I could be like him, but he is he and I can not be he. I feel really happy when he behaves well and he doesn't offend anybody and doesn’t hurt anybody feelings. I know that he can be a better person and that he can't be the type of son my parents want him to be. The only thing I think he needs to do is give his effort and have the initiative to change.

Many times, I just try to understand him and help him not to get in trouble with parents. I have been patient and of all the things he does and I have tried to talk to him, but nothing seems to work. But I feel nice when I see him enjoying himself and getting a long with my parents, the people that surround him and me. While on the other hand sometimes I think that I just over look the problem and come up with the conclusion that what is happening with him is the cause of getting into the teenager years. Actually, I don't know what's going inside his mind, but I do wish I could know, so that I could help him, but right now for me he is "a math problem with a difficult solution and a experiment were my hypothesis cannot be prove". 

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Created by: Juan P. Last updated: November 8, 2000
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